so i turned twenty-four. it was unplanned and disorganized and blurred between whatever drink was in my hand and whatever was playing in the background. i have bits and pieces of the night with me and i will keep them constant to remember that i am still young. I am not going to lie. I really thought i would have shit a little more figured out by this time. Things a little more resolved, more settled. but everything is so far beyond that. I have a job writing for a magazine, i have my classes about colonial/medieval/theory literature, highlighted critical studies and books checked out for research. i have an apartment with not enough water-pressure in the shower, i have a total of eight completed paper journals, wooden bookshelfs built into my studio, a theme for my thesis, plans of NYU for gradschool, all of elliott smith, wilco, the decemberists albums. i have great friends. the greatest friends who burst through the doors of my apartment with whirlwinds of stories and fears like fiorella's irrational fear of spontaneos combustion which makes me laugh a little but worries me at the same time. all of the memories of all things said, things left unsaid, borrowed clothes, shared drinks. the jokes that will always make us laugh and the feeling when dancing at places with high cealings and distinct, clear moments like being in a car with no air conditioner and no real working windows and three boys who study what you love and stay up all night with you before midterms, driving through the coast, looking back right at the moment the sun hit the horizon line look at the fucking sun, man it was so huge and burning and melting and beautiful, all four of us with our heads turned in sheer awe and rushing as its going down before it hides for good and his wreckless driving with half of his body being pulled towards the sky like a charging magnet. memories like that. i turned twenty-four, i am still nineteen at heart.
this was my text message the morning after, which, pretty much sums up the kind of debauchery that defines these troubled times.
"I dont remember how the night ended. All i know is that i woke up wearing two pajama shirts and no underwear."
